That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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