her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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