my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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