This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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