He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
