hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
