GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
