You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
