I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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