I'm jealous of your bromance
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
