ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
