Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
