Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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