He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
