I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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