OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
