my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
