i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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