So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
