i just had sex bonerless
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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