I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
