Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
