with your own penis?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
