I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
