ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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