he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
