Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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