he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
its not stalking. its research.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
