I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
