piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
