If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
