i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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