hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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