Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
