i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
