I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
