I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
