so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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