i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am midnight drunk by noon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
