Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
