i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
