so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
