Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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