i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
