No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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