he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
