I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
