Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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