Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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