I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
