Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
