There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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