So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
