Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
