is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
