I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
