I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
