Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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