I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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