Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
