So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
