So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
