Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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